Christmas can feel painfully lonely when you’re widowed. The adverts show smiling families, the shops blast out cheerful music, and people keep asking, “Any plans for Christmas?”.
If you feel lonely you’re far from alone. In a 2022 survey by Age UK, over 1.4 million older adults said they expected to feel lonely over the Christmas period, and more than 500,000 would likely spend the day alone.
Here are some simple, practical ways to make the day feel a little easier when you are widowed.
If You’re Spending Christmas Day Alone
A plan makes all the difference. Even a simple one. Here are some suggestions:
✔ Create a small ritual of your own
Light a candle, cook a favourite meal, watch a film you and your partner loved, or do something completely different. Your Christmas can look however you want it to. Treat yourself to pizza for Christmas Lunch if you want to!
✔ Get some fresh air
A short walk will calm your mind and lift your mood.
✔ Talk to someone
A single friendly conversation, even just 5-10 minutes on the phone, can make a difference. Don’t wait for someone to call you, call them.
✔ Include a bit of self-care
Include something to look forward to, maybe a long bath, a new book, a favourite hobby.
✔ Connect with another widowed person
If you’re part of my widowed friends, ask your group:
“Is anyone else free for a walk or a coffee on Christmas Day?”
You might be surprised how many others are quietly dreading the day too.
✔ Some people go away (depends on your budget of course)
Some people book a spa break, an organised Christmas hotel stay, or a simple walking holiday. A different environment can help soften the day.
✔ People may suggest volunteering
This could be a good way to spend the day, but finding opportunities for the day itself is difficult. So maybe think about helping others either before or after Christmas.
If You’re Spending Christmas With Others
Being invited to spend Christmas Day with others brings different challenges. It can be difficult when people are cheerful and carrying on as normal, and you are feeling like nothing will ever be normal again. Try to remember:
✔ You don’t have to be cheerful
Give yourself permission to feel how you feel. Hopefully you are spending Christmas Day with people who care about you. They may also be grieving and even if your partner wasn’t precious to them, they should understand that the day can be hard for you.
✔ Take breaks
Offer to wash up, step outside for fresh air, or find a quiet corner for a few minutes.
✔ Bring something that represents your partner
A photo, a decoration, a candle, something small that makes you feel like they are still included in your day.
✔ Leave early if you need to
You’re not required to stay all day if it becomes too much. Maybe go home and curl up with a book.
✔ Don’t drink too much
If you enjoy a tipple then don’t overdo it. It doesn’t help you cope, can make the day more emotional, and will affect your sleep.
✔ If you are the host
Accept help whenever someone offers, and keep the arrangements simple. Don’t try to recreate a typical Christmas from the past- it won’t be the same and will make you feel awful.
The Weeks Leading Up To Christmas
For many, it’s not just December 25th that’s difficult but also the weeks before.
✔ Accept that your Christmas now looks different
That doesn’t make it less meaningful.
✔ Put one thing in the diary you can look forward to
A coffee with someone, a local event, or even a treat at home.
✔ Prepare a simple answer to “What are you doing for Christmas?”
Something like: “I’m doing something different this year. I’ve planned a nice quiet day.”
✔ Find your own solutions
One friend who was very upset by Christmas music when shopping, simply wore headphones with her own music choices.
✔ Limit social media and TV if it makes you feel worse
The “perfect family Christmas” is mostly fiction. Your life is not less meaningful because it’s different. Most people will not be in the “married couple with 2 happy kids” scenario.
✔ Join local festive events if you want to
Many churches and communities run lunches, carols, and craft afternoons. A different way of celebrating might help you too.
✔ Think about buying yourself a gift
Many people buy themselves a small gift to have on the day. Maybe something for self-care, a new book, a puzzle, something to wear. It’s not silly- just another way to take care of yourself.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
my widowed friends is here to help, not just at Christmas but all year round. We believe in the power of small, steady, face-to-face social contact to change lives. We run weekly, real-life coffee groups across Cornwall where widowed people meet, chat, laugh, rebuild confidence and make new friends.
You don’t need to pretend or put on a brave face.
You’re welcome exactly as you are.
👉 Find your nearest group: www.mywidowedfriends.co.uk
If you know someone widowed who may find this page helpful, please share the link with them